Tuesday, June 3, 2008

SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK - LAIR

Lair sucked. It's not my kind of game in the first place. I don't really like Fantasy shit (ITS ALL THE SAME PEOPLE! JESUS! How often can you buy the same crap?), and I especially never really liked these freespace shooters. Give me Descent over Star Wars: X Wing any day. Give me an actual tight level design, and I'll appreciate the situation and gameplay. The levels in Lair give no tight spaces to work through, just stupid enemies to chase after. There seems no real challenge to Lair except with the controls which suck even with the analog control option. I have no idea how I was supposed to smash my warcow into the other guy's dragon considering I was using the controls the way they told me to, but it wasn't responding. The Sixaxis can work much better. It has worked better in Super Rub-a-Dub, Heavenly Sword, Flow, etc.
In Lair, you go around spitting fire at people. Every once and a while you do takedowns which were really tame as far as button-pressing sequences go, and pretty un-interesting to watch. In battle, at least every ten seconds, there's a small video sequence which mostly feels awkward as shit. You kill enemies to go in a rage mode that triples your carnage score which unlocks combos but what do I care if fireballing an enemy is a really effective attack by itself. It's also unlimited and goes like a machine-gun. In contrast, swiping is slow as shit, and feeding? Oh man, so when you feed, it goes into this awkward cutscene that shows the whole dragon chomping on the little man instead of zooming in on the little man getting chomped. That's the cool part, not the poorly-rendered dragon.
THIS GAME IS UGLY. The environments are ugly. The dragons are ugly and choppy. The character models are ok, but rarely ever seen.
On top of that, the narrations were ridiculous, poorly written, and way too long. Also, people talk to you in combat a lot, but they tell you the same thing several times within a short time frame. Like, I know I have to kill the Ice Dragons. Fucking piss off for a bit, commander.
The game also has weird load times, opening the menu in-game for example is pretty slow.
It's just ugly. I really didn't want to play it anymore. I felt dirty. So I got Condemned 2, which Zero Punctuation said sucked for its over-the-top story.

it's like Maybe you juSt (g)et Bollocksed no matter what you play

LolBJ

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